The Passage of Time

It was shocking to me when I realized it has been over a year since I have posted anything. I thought for sure it had only been a few months.
Ever since I was young I have been saddened by the passing of time. It wasn’t until my 21st birthday that I actually felt at peace with my age and didn’t wish I was a child again. Though, ironically, when I look back on my childhood I cannot recall an age at which I did not feel grown up.
I think I feel melancholy about the passing of time because I always feel as if I am not thoroughly enjoying the moment I am in and soon it will be gone forever. I feel this keenly now that I have three children and have experienced first hand how fast they grow and how those sweet baby moments quickly give way to the toddler years and then suddenly I have a kindergartener. It’s like I can remember the then of my babies being born and the now of where they are currently at, but what happened to everything in between? It pulls at my heart to think that when my kids are grown I’ll have the same experience but instead of 5 years that seem to have disappeared, it will be 20.
I feel that each day has experiences t
hat could be looked back at fondly. They don’t have to be huge to be special. It could be all three of my kids sitting around me contentedly. Or the refreshing breeze that blows across my face as I sit quietly on our front porch swing and enjoy dusk.
I often find myself recognizing that I am having one of those experiences I should savor only to be interrupted by my own feelings of worry and anxiety that soon this moment will be over and I won’t remember it. Then I start to think of ways I could attempt to have a similar experience everyday, or how silly it was of me to leave my camera where I can’t grab it quick enough to capture whatever it is that’s happening this instant. This reminds me that I have not written in my journal in a long while which then leads me to feel guilty and disheartened because of all the moments like this I’ve had in the past and don’t remember.
Usually by the time I have gone through this thought cycle whatever the experience I started out as recognizing as special is now over and I’m left frustrated and nostalgic for a past that is causing me to miss my present.
The solution to this? I don’t know. I’ve heard advice ranging from document as much as possible with pictures and videos to just slow down, look your children in the eye and enjoy the moment. Easier said than done I say.
For now I try to get a journal entry in as often as I can, with pictures if possible and pray that I will be able to remember those special moments when the time is right.


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