Always There

A while ago, my husband was trying to comfort our one year old daughter after she woke up while I was working on my son’s baby book. (Yes, my son is already three and no I haven’t finished his baby book. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one in this situation though.)
She cried and cried. My husband said it was her normal scream for when I wasn’t there. I’d heard it a few times before but this time it pierced my heart. It brought up in me the feelings from when I was little and spending the night somewhere, away from my parents. I don’t know how long this anxiety lasted, but at least until the age of six and it lingered through my teenage years.
It was awful. I would feel this overwhelming sadness, anxiety and fear. I would cry and cry and cry. Usually somewhat violently so that when I did calm down I would have those hiccup-like sniffles for probably an hour afterwards.
When I finally took my daughter, she had those same sniffles.
I sat down with her and held her close. I was so relieved and comforted that I could comfort her. She stopped crying as soon as I took her but clung for awhile. I held her and patted her and told her all was safe. And in that moment I had somewhat of a vision.
I saw in her face that of a teenager who was suffering just as much as my one year old just had, though for much different reasons. Then my mind’s eye took over and I saw a college student, away from home, in anguish over some very real life trial.
I wanted to tell her that I would always be there to give her this comfort when she was in a time of need and that when I couldn’t be there physically then… Here I stopped. Then what? It felt as if there was nothing I could say that would take the place of being there. It made me pray right then and there that I would always be able to have the Holy Spirit with me and that He would tell me when any of my children were in need of me.
I want to be there with a phone call, an email, a text, a package, whatever can help most. When my kids are not with me I still want to know when they need my help and how to help them. When they are older but still at home I pray we will have a relationship that allows us to come together in times of need. To bond and be close and open up with each other.
I still don’t know why it was so hard for me to be away from home when I was young. I guess I just grew out of it. I remember my mom asking me why I felt the way I did when I was away from home. I didn’t know.
Maybe it was to help me better understand my daughter.