Coming Home for the First Time

A couple weeks ago we went to a new park. It felt like home. I can mention several things that struck me about it though all of them can be found in other parks. I don’t know exactly what it was, but when we got out of the car and walked to the playground, I felt like I was home. Not any of the homes I have ever lived in since my childhood, but a permanent home, a finally-at-peace-home. It will be a tender mercy indeed if the house, neighborhood and community we finally settle down in makes me feel like that.
There was grass, trails that go off into a 41 acre reserve, a little gated butterfly garden with a circle of stones painted by children that was donated by “Pantano Ward Primary, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”, a playground with LOTS of sand good for digging (finally a park without wood chips), palm trees that sounded like rain being blown against a window when the breeze went through their leaves, two gorgeous views of the mountains, quietness and stillness, and very few but kind people. There were birds all around, calling to each other. A crane came close to landing right on the playground. Even the cacti were beautiful and inviting.
It would not make a list of “paradise” destinations or must-see places, but there was something. Something about it makes me want to go back, again and again. My new favorite park, and possibly place.
I was different there, or rather I saw a bit of my potential for what I could be. The words I listened to this morning in my meditation about being mindful of the moment and things in the here and now, seemed to come easily to my mind, and I was able to heed them. I thought of past memories that usually spark resentment in me but this time came with calmness and forgiving and openness. I was not so much in a hurry to get the kids back home, even though I was uncomfortable at times in the sun, or with the way I had to sit to play with them. I felt as if my husband would drive up at any moment and that we would complete a perfectly normal family evening routine right there, because it was home. A home with such a depth of security and peace and belonging and light that I have yet to have felt in my various dwellings.
I just wanted to sit and be with my children in this place. And this time I actually did. No hurrying off to “get on with life”. I gave my son his “five minutes and we’re leaving” notice and 15 minutes later I thought to look at the clock. Time just peacefully past. I actually wanted to stay longer when usually I have a strong need to leave and be onto other things.
We dug in the sand, my son rode his bike around the butterfly garden, we slid down the slides, swung on the swings, found the port-a-potty, my daughter napped. We played restaurant, ate snacks. My son made tracks in the sand with his sand toys and had the “trains” running. He even took off his shoes and ran around in the sand.
I don’t know if it will be the same the next time we go. Maybe it was the cool breeze, or the shady spots or the quiet time of day. We’ll see. I’m already planning a big picnic there with friends and a family bike ride when my husband can come, when we can go home.

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2 thoughts on “Coming Home for the First Time

  1. Karen Davis-Dillon says:

    Awesome- what a wonderful Blessing Heavenly Father bestored on you.

  2. Linda says:

    I love your description. I have felt ‘at home’ several times in my life and they were always outside.

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